Why I believe in gay marriage

      Let me start this post by saying this....I'm just going to sit and write. This may be a rambling, long post. I feel very passionate about this...so I think I'm going to just sit and write as it comes to me instead of trying to go back and "edit". So I apologize in advance if I"m hard to follow or wordy:)
      I love facebook. I have a very spread out family. Without facebook it would be much harder for us all to stay in touch. So I have no intention of getting rid of facebook. It is also because of this social site that I've had cause to reexamine my own values and beliefs on a good many issues. I like that. It's important to know what you believe, and more importantly WHY you believe it. I have had some very nasty barbs tossed at me over the past year or so through facebook because of this particular belief. I have lost "friends". All of that is OK! I just find that the character restraints make it harder to discuss why I feel the way I do there than here..so here goes:)
      I am not going to discuss what the Bible says about homosexuality in this post. I will discuss that in a future post though. So this won't be a religious argument.
     My parents spent a lot of money sending me to a small Christian private high school. I am very thankful for the education that I received while I was there. But I was also living in sort of a small world "bubble". (Not that that is a horrible thing...I say guard your kids for as long as you can!) The first time I met a gay man was when I was 17 years old. I got a job waitressing at the local Ponderosa restaurant. His name was Ray. He was a very quiet, but still very funny guy. He was also relentlessly persecuted for his sexual orientation. He would often show up to work with black eyes and split lips. He knew no other way of life. I remember thinking with all the naivety of my 17 year old self..."how can that be?" "Why would people want to beat him up just for being gay?" Now I know that this issue is one that inflames people to such a horrible point. And when my son Evan came home from his high school yesterday telling me that some kids had beat a gay kid up to the point of the police being called. I was so unbearably sad. I immediately thought of Ray. I hope he has found a safe, tolerant place to live his life.
       I have the pleasure of having some very wonderful gay friends. I have gay men friends, I have lesbian friends, I have bisexual friends. I love each and every one of them. I am so thankful for the contribution that each of them has made on my life. I guess part of my naive (still at age 36) self thinks that if everyone had the joy of knowing gay people like I do...maybe there would be no issue at all. But I know that's simply not true.
      We are put on this Earth for such an incredibly short time. Finding someone to love and share a life with is one of the biggest blessings there can ever be. I hear anti gay activists saying that being gay is a choice. Well I certainly don't ever remember choosing to be straight. I can't help that I am attracted to men. If one sexuality is a choice, wouldn't it follow that the other would be as well?
      I hear alot today from politicians quick to sign pledges that they're simply trying to "protect marriage". Well I'm going to have to call bullshit on that. No one is lobbying to make quickie marriages in Vegas illegal. No one is lobbying to have a cap on the amount of times you can be married. As long as we live in a world where Hugh Hefner can mozie on down to the courthouse to get a marriage license to a 22 year old woman...I say no one is seriously trying to "protect" anything.
      I have gay friends that have been together, in a committed relationship to each other for almost 20 years. Those same people are not afforded the most basic rights. Without "outing", I will call these friends "Jim" and "Bob". So...after 20 years of living a life together, Jim gets sick. Bob is not allowed to make the same decisions (or in some cases even be in the hospital room) as I would be able to make for Paul. If Jim dies, it's harder for the wealth that they have accumulated together to be then passed to Bob. Things that the rest of us take for granted are just not available to these 2 American citizens. They can't file their taxes together, they can't raise children in many places. I just don't see how anyone can think that this is acceptable treatment for 2 people. It literally breaks my heart. I guess more so because I actually know people in these positions. It's not an abstract concept to me.
      I hear the argument thrown around alot that marriage is about bearing children together. Well let's just put that one to bed right here and now. My amazing mother in law was not able to have children. She adopted my husband and his brother. I may never see another couple that were so in love with eachother as Frank and Charlotte. So by this standard..their marriage should also not be valid. Not to mention all of the friends that I have that are suffering through infertility. What about people that get married and just decide they don't want children? Or my Grandparents that re-married after 20 years. They weren't planning on having children at that point...so the marriage not a "real" one?
      I know that none of these arguments are terribly creative or new. I just want to share from a very personal place why it is that I will never be able to vote for a candidate that signs these pledges. There is one running for President that has as an adviser one of the men that helped write the Rwanda "gay men should be put to death" law. I believe that we need a federal law accepting gay marriage. It can't be a state to state issue. It doesn't work that way. Any other couple can go to Hawaii (or Vegas) and get hitched and it be recognized when they get home. Right now in Texas there is a couple that were legally married in New Hampshire that can't now get a divorce because our state won't recognize that they are married to begin with.
      I love my friends. I love all of them. I love the ones that believe like I do and the ones that don't. I just wanted to be able to explain why I feel the way I do. I know that I'm in the minority of my Bethel friends. I hope that they can still accept me even if we disagree. But just know, that I will continue to support the NOH8 campaign. I will always support my friend's quest to find the same rights that I get to have.
       Anyone that has actually made it through all of this rambling can certainly comment. I welcome a good discussion. I'm not afraid anymore of letting people know the real me. I have to stand up and let my voice be heard even if it's not the most popular opinion. Especially because Evan was one of the ones who tried to break up that fight at school. He defended the poor gay kid. Not because he knew him, or was friends with him. But because that's how I've raised him. And I have never been more proud of my son. And also proud that I might have gotten at least some of his parenting right after all.

    

Settling in to the quiet routine

      We are officially on week 2 of the school year!! No one has died or been maimed so far. As much as I don't enjoy the early morning rushing around, it's been so nice to get to know my baby Liam in this brand new way. After I get Evan and Addley off to school, and Paul off to work; I have this wonderful day of possibilities with Liam. At first I was overcome with a sadness at the quiet in my house. Now I'm learning to savor it. I have been able to read again during the day while he naps. It's really a wonderful thing. That being said..I sure do miss Addley!! It's amazing how much life he brings to a room just by stepping in it. He's having a little bit of trouble settling in to being quiet for his teacher (imagine that!). Paul and I actually have our first parent teacher conference tomorrow. I am really hoping this isn't going to be a "he needs to be on drugs" conversation so early in the year. I'm hoping that they will be willing to let him try to get accustomed to what is expected of him. I will always be on "Addley's side" and trying to balance that with figuring out the best thing for him is not always easy.
      I am still in awe that Evan is in high school. He has settled in better than I could have ever dared to dream. He is so smart. I am beginning to see the flicker of ambition in him. He has a plan to go to Med school. I am hoping that he can continue on the path that will take him there. Every single day I am thankful that he is mine. He is funny and kind and loving (and stubborn, smart-mouthed and opinionated). He is truly one of the best parts of me. I'm so far beyond proud of him.
       As I'm writing this, Liam has put himself into Arwen's dog cage. He's very happy there. He makes me laugh. It's amazing how a child at the age of 1 can have a sense of humor like he does. He knows when he's being cute and when he does something funny. He expects applause and praise. (I can't imagine where he gets THAT!)
      I am so beyond blessed. I know people say that everyday. But I mean it. I am thankful for my husband that works so hard for us. I am thankful for each of my boys, as a group and as individuals. I am thankful for our home and our dog and our extremely happy existence.

Struggling with being the Mommy today

I have an over eater in my house. Addley would eat all the time if I let him. He drinks alot, he eats alot, he plays alot. We have never been overly concerned with his eating before. Recently though I have begun to worry about him. Paul is a big guy. We have no doubt that Addley is going to be a big guy as well. I'm just trying to walk the line between him being an OK big kid and staying away from truly unhealthy. The problem that we run into is that Addley is quite literally a closet eater. He will sneak into the kitchen and grab food. He then will go sit literally in his closet and eat it. It's not always "bad for you" food. It's just food. I have three kids and I can't keep an eye on the fridge all 24 hours in the day. Paul has asked if we need to lock the pantry and fridge. I don't know if maybe that's going too far. I don't want to give him a complex either. I don't want him to have any bit of self loathing placed from us. He should know that we love him no matter what. But that's hard to do when you're literally wrestling food out of his hands. Today I started with a chart for his eating. He will put a sticker on the chart at breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack times. My only concern with this approach is that he's being "rewarded" for eating...maybe it's going to make it even worse...?? Why didn't these kids come with an instruction manual?? I'm just trying to do my best here and sometimes that just feels so totally inadequate it's not even funny.